Question:
I realize that watching erotic Internet sites leads nowhere and makes me feel spiritually and morally corrupt, but I can’t stop. I have tried everything in order to give up the addiction – mikvahs, cold showers, jogging, learning more Torah, making vows that I would stop, trying the 12 Torah Steps, confessing my problem to a rabbi, but after a few days of going clean, I’m back at the keyboard with a frenzy. I even installed a reliable filter, but I keep punching in the by-pass code. What more can a guy do?
Answer:
One guest on the Pornaholics Anonymous Forum said he beat his habit by imposing a stiff monetary fine on himself every
Money talks
time he clicked through to an erotic image. Because the temptation is so powerful, even when a person knows that he will be Divinely punished for his transgression, and even if he makes a vow to G-d to stop, these things may be too abstract to counteract the urge. The sexual passion is so great that the person’s rational reasoning is short-circuited and he succumbs to his evil inclination, as our Sages teach, “A person doesn’t sin unless a spirit of folly enters him.”
But for some people, money is so important to them, they won’t do anything to lose it. Try it. Maybe it will help you to go cold turkey.
The other obvious recommendation is to install a different reliable filter without knowing the code. Ask a friend or you wife to arrange for the filter, and to guard the code for safekeeping. You can simply say that you don’t want to take the chance of succumbing to the temptation. You needn’t be embarrassed. They will surely understand.
A happy heart is also a key factor in overcoming the urge. Don’t walk around depressed at your failures. Fill your heart with overflowing joy by dwelling on the tiny successes that you have when you turn away from erotic images on the net and on the street. Pray to Hashem that he dwell upon these feats of success as well, which represent your true inner will to be close to him.