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Written by Rabbi Mordechai Eliahu   
Friday, 21 August 2009

THE LAWS OF MARITAL RELATIONS  PART 7
By Rabbi Mordechai Eliahu, Former Chief Rabbi of Israel, excerpted from his book, “Darkei Taharah,” Chapters 19-24.

Laws of Marital Relations (Rabbi M. Eliahu) - Part 1
Laws of Marital Relations (Rabbi M. Eliahu) - Part 2
Laws of Marital Relations (Rabbi M. Eliahu) - Part 3
Laws of Marital Relations (Rabbi M. Eliahu) - Part 4
Laws of Marital Relations (Rabbi M. Eliahu) - Part 5
Laws of Marital Relations (Rabbi M. Eliahu) - Part 6
Laws of Marital Relations (Rabbi M. Eliahu) - Part 7

AFTER MARITAL RELATIONS

After marital relations, the husband should not rise immediately, but rather stay with his wife a bit, so it won’t seem that his love for her is spent now that their coupling has ended – but that his love for her isn’t dependent on any external factor.

There are authorities who state that after a half hour it is proper for the husband to move from her bed to his, so that he won’t come to have fantasies, or emit semen in vain by their being naked beside one another all the night. Other authorities do not hold with this opinion. If a man knows that he may violate a prohibition, he should not remain beside her in this intimate condition all the night.

WASHING HANDS

After marital relations, both husband and wife should wash their hands, due to the impurity of semen. There are authorities who say that this washing should be done alternating 3 times, one hand, then the other, without a vessel. Other authorities say one time without a vessel. The custom is alternating hands back and forth 3 times without a vessel.

There is no prohibition in walking 4 cubits without doing this washing, and there is no prohibition in touching all the things that are forbidden to touch before washing hands in the morning, due to the fact that the levels of impurity and the evil spirit are not the same. But one should use at least a “rive’eet” of water (86cc). This washing should not be delayed, so that the evil spirit (ruach hara’ah) won’t rest on him a long time. This washing is done without a blessing.

WASHING

One is not to mention anything holy while semen is still upon him, whether it be moist or dry. Therefore, the area should be washed with water, or washed thoroughly with a wet towel or cloth before reciting the Bedtime Shema. On Shabbat, when it is not allowed to wash oneself with a wet towel or cloth (lest one come to violate the Shabbat prohibition of laundering or wringing out) the area should be wiped well with a dry cloth, or water should be poured over the area, and afterward, the area can be dried with a towel.

RECITING THE BEDTIME SHEMA

Those who have marital relations after midnight should recite the Bedtime Shema before midnight at the proper time, and say the blessing “HaMapil” without mentioning the Name of Hashem  or His Kingship. After relations, he should recite the Shema a second time, so that his sleeping be preceded by words of Torah.

Those who have marital relations before midnight should wash themselves and wash their hands after relations, then recite the blessing “HaMapil” and recite the Shema as their custom. If he had already recited “HaMapil” and the Shema, and then he and his wife were aroused to have relations, they can engage in relations, and afterward, they should wash themselves, wash their hands, and recite the Shema, or merely mentally recite it, in order to fall asleep after words of Torah.

There are people who always say “HaMapil” using the Name of G-d, and there are people who don’t. In each case, if there is a likelihood that husband and wife will engage in marital relations after saying the Shema, then “HaMapil” should not be said with the Name of G-d. Likewise, one is not to say the blessing using the Name of G-d after midnight.

A NURSING WOMAN

A woman who is nursing should only engage in marital relations after the child is sleeping, even when the child is in another room, and not on their bed.

After marital relations, the wife should not nurse her child until 36 minutes have passed. If the child awakens, cries, and is experiencing discomfort, nursing is possible after 18 minutes. And if the child is crying a great deal, the wife can wash her hands and nurse the child immediately.

IMMERSION

The husband should try to immerse himself in a mikvah on the same day that he has engaged in marital relations, in order to pray and learn Torah in holiness and purity. This is an excellent habit which cannot be surpassed for insuring that one’s prayers and Torah learning will ascend in holiness and purity. A man should especially exert himself in this matter on Shabbat, in order to be able to receive the added holiness of Shabbat day with a pure body. This is especially important if he has marital relations on the nights of Rosh HaShanah.

When a man follows all of the rules and practices that have been set forth in these chapters and sanctifies himself during marital relations, he will be sanctified from Heaven, and he will be guaranteed to have righteous children, and the Ramban and the Sages of the Torah’s deepest truths have pledged that this is so.

Laws of Marital Relations (Rabbi M. Eliahu) - Part 1
Laws of Marital Relations (Rabbi M. Eliahu) - Part 2
Laws of Marital Relations (Rabbi M. Eliahu) - Part 3
Laws of Marital Relations (Rabbi M. Eliahu) - Part 4
Laws of Marital Relations (Rabbi M. Eliahu) - Part 5
Laws of Marital Relations (Rabbi M. Eliahu) - Part 6
Laws of Marital Relations (Rabbi M. Eliahu) - Part 7

Last Updated ( Monday, 07 September 2009 )
 
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