Jewish Sexuality dot Com

Question:

Being a woman, I found your site interesting, but almost completely directed toward men. Besides dressing in a modest fashion, is there anything else Jewish women must adhere to when it comes to sex?

Answer:

Artwork by Estair Kaufman

Regarding sex, the Torah views the marital act as a sanctified union, a holy commandment abounding in spirituality. A woman is called upon to approach this holy union not only with great warmth and physical excitement, but also with holy thoughts and aspirations. To help her, there are special prayers which have been written to be recited before the marital act.

A Jewish woman can have sex exclusively with her Jewish husband, at the times permitted by Jewish law when she is menstrually pure.

She must observe all of the laws of family purity (Niddah) and immerse herself in a ritual bath (mikvah) in the proper time and fashion.

It goes without saying that premarital sex and extra-marital sex are strictly forbidden. A Jewish woman is called upon to be holy and not to play the part of a harlot. It is forbidden to marry a non-Jew.

The Arizal teaches that women also have to guard against spilling semen in vain. In his book, "Mishbatzot Zahav Livusha," Rabbi Eliahu Leon Levi explains that after marital relations, the wife should remain on her back for fifteen minutes so that her husband's semen doesn't spill out during that time. Getting up immediately after marital relations, or rolling over to sleep on her stomach, will cause semen to spill out and be wasted during those Kabbalistically crucial minutes. This directive is also quoted by the famous Rabbeinu Yosef Haim of Bagdhad.

Also, she should approach the marital act with proper modesty and not demand positions that cause semen to be wasted. For instance, conducting relations in a standing or sitting position, or when the woman is on top of the man, will lead to the spilling of semen in vain. This is also the case with sexual intercourse from the rear. Since the woman is on her stomach or knees, facing downward, the semen will spill out.

Oral sex is likewise forbidden, as all the semen is obviously wasted. While physical pleasure is a healthy, integral part of marital relations, it must not be attained at the expense of a transgression. While feelings of love, happiness, and pleasure are a vital part of the marital union, both husband and wife must strive to sanctify themselves and keep within the boundaries of modesty and Jewish law.